you know this. you know about my relationship with my dad growing up. how he was a wonderful pastor and sometimes an absentee father, how he read us bible stories and kissed us on the cheeks and home-schooled us in french and music yet didn't really know how to talk to us, or play with us, or laugh.
but that was him, and this is now, and he's had a wife go through brain cancer and children grow into adults who serve the Lord and he's had a church fall in love with him and he's had grandchildren.
and i've gone through another eating disorder, and had a husband fall in love with me, and i've given birth and i know now how exhausting and draining parenting can be and why dad would sometimes spend hours in his office with the door locked.
and i don't blame him anymore.
instead, we sing together.
this vacation, we sung to aiden together, as he lay in bed, a song my dad used to always sing to me. a song which told me how much he loved me, when he didn't know how.
and i don't know but that it wasn't the brightest moment in my whole life, this sitting in the dark, letting my father lead me through the verses of a melody which ministered to me when i was young and insecure and broken.
we all need these moments. in which we join in harmony. i pray for these, for you, today, friend.
for redemption. for wholeness. for love.
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Oh Em...I love you so much...and this brings me so much joy...you and your father and the grace you've both given and received in your redemption story. To God be the glory - great things He has done.
ReplyDeleteyes, yes, yes. xo
Deleteand amen. xo
Deleteachingly beautiful. thanks for sharing such a tender moment with us.
ReplyDeletesteph
oh, love you friend.
Deletesmiles....sounds like def a highlight...and funny too how once we are parents we understand a bit more as well...
ReplyDeletefunny and desperately sad... how i wish i could have known, then...
Deleteso beautiful.
ReplyDeleteWhat a truly beautiful story, and I enjoyed the singing together too. Some moments are beautiful, aren't they????
ReplyDeletethank you so much sweet mary, for taking the time to love on me in this way.
DeleteI adore watching you walk in forgiveness. You reap what you sow and parenting gives ample opportunity for a need to be forgiven.
ReplyDeleteoh girl. you advocate for me in a way that makes me feel so strong. thank you.
DeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteYour story so beautifully describes that ethereal golden thread that is always weaving itself in and through and among our lives. Often times, it is unseen, buried deep within the thick fabric of our lives, doing the hard but necessary work of hemming us in. But then there are moments, when the needle breaks through so sharply, and we glimpse the shimmering gold of glory, embroidering patterns of richness and joy upon our very hearts. Rejoicing with you in such a moment.
oh how i love those moments you describe here, holly. and thank you for always rejoicing and mourning and just being with me, friend. xo
DeleteSo lovely, Em...
ReplyDeleteprecious.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily,
ReplyDeleteYour story is so beautiful. My mom ordered your book. That is so cool that your dad would sing to you in French and that you were homeschooled. I was also homeschooled all through high school.
Mary Drennen
dear mary it is so good to meet you! being homeschooled has its advantages and benefits, doesn't it? so much grace to you, friend. always, e.
DeleteHi Emily,
DeleteIt is nice to meet you also. Being homeschooled did have its many advantages. I liked it so much because my teachers were able to help me with papers and things that needed to be modified or something and I meet so many cool people in the homeschooling circle. Now I go to a small Catholc college in New Hampshire and I absolutely love it. Going to a small school reminds me so much of homeschooling!
Best, Mary
Sigh. Thank you, Lord, for redemption, starting over, learning new things from old things. And thank you, Em, for this sweet post. Yea and amen.
ReplyDeleteso much love, sweet diana. xoxo
DeleteOh absolutely beautiful...a picture of forgiveness, humility...redemption...what a gift...and thanks for sharing this gift with us...so sweet.
ReplyDeleteBig tears here. This is so beautiful, Emily.
ReplyDelete1. Because I had a dad who was emotionally unavailable. Watching him play with our kids brings tears to my eyes, because it redeems that very empty place in me.
2. Because you remind me to not be the mom who does ministry first ... it scares me a little--ok, a lot-- that I have this possibility in me.
oh idelette. you are such a kindred spirit friend. i love you. walking this journey with you, always.
Deleteabsolutely beautiful - love this post so much. Happy for these moments with you and your father. God is so good. He brings things around in His perfect timing, doesn't He?
ReplyDeleteyes, friend. well said. he brings things around... xo
DeleteWhat a precious moment. So wonderful of a memory for you.
ReplyDeletethank you friend.
DeleteWhat a gift your video...of you and your father singing together...precious indeed.
ReplyDeletethank you sweet ellen. xo
DeleteYou are blessed. Thank you for blessing me today.
ReplyDeleteso much love, sweet amber. xo
DeleteBeautiful. Life has a way of bringing us full circle. I praise God for those moments!
ReplyDeletepraising God with you, dear becky.
DeleteMy father was deeply loved by the church folk he ministered to for almost 50 years. At times he was preoccupied with his duties and there were tolls taken on us kids as a result. But one of my best memories is of him up at his pulpit raising his arm in exultation, directing us to sing louder on the chorus. Or he would designate the men for the next verse and then the women. And he would put his whole being into singing and leading that song. He did an awesome "When the Roll is Called Up Yonder, I'll be There" and "Standing on the Promises of God, My Savior" and some others that I'm drawing a blank on because I guess I'm thinking too hard. I can't hear some songs without a smile breaking out on my face and maybe a tear too. How I miss him! Unfortunately one of my brothers blocked all those songs and out. It was like he was never there in the pew. He is still hurting. But I have those wonderful songs to comfort me and assure me of my Dad's love not just for his congregation but for us.
ReplyDeleteoh beth. i love this. and i ache for your father, and mine, and i praise God for them too, and for all men trying to balance ministry and family... it`s such a hard calling.
DeleteTears... this is so beautiful! And I'm so glad you have this blessing of re-connection with your dad.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that is going to happen for me and mine this side of heaven... but I know my dad will be there, on the other side, and then all the masks will be off and we will be able to be who we were really meant to be. Just another reason for me to be Home-sick!
Handsfull
i ache for you, friend, and pray God will give you and your dad the peace that passes...
Deletesuch an authentic rare moment
ReplyDeletethank you ollie.
DeleteTears. Such a moment. So wonderful to have it captured. *Beautiful*
ReplyDeletebless you danelle.
DeleteBeautiful, encouraging post. Life comes full circle. I struggled with this forgiveness until I realized how much I hoped my own child would find forgiveness for all the mistakes I've made. I also realized how much it hurts when you love the best you can and still it's not enough.
ReplyDeleteoh bridget. this makes my heart ache, and helps me understand my parents even more. "when you love the best you can and still it's not enough." oh Lord, have mercy on us all... bless you friend.
Deletewhen i read your words it's like you are speaking directly to me. like there is no computer interface or moments where you hemmed and hawed over which words to pick. just a flow of words and feeling s and thoughts. and i don't even know your voice.
ReplyDeletexo
this means so much. i love this. thank you patty. xo
DeleteThis makes me miss my dad, even though we did not have the relationship you speak of with your dad...I still miss mine. I am also so very grateful for the forgiveness I gave him for not being the best dad. It feels good to just not be mad anymore.
ReplyDeleteoh toni. i love this. and i ache for you too, and for all of us. bless you friend.
Delete